The Biggest Fear

The biggest thing that haunts us often is not ghosts or horror stories. Neither it’s darkness in the attics of our houses nor the fear of the Devil. The thing that we are often most afraid of is the fear of unknown. The clock ticks for 86400 times every day, yet we can never expect the next move to be thrown in by destiny. We fear everyday how our acts will impact our future and who will enter our lives to annihilate it or make it better.

Some philosophers have often said that the biggest fear lurks in the deepest corners of our minds. I never believed in this philosophy and often adopted the all-optimist outlook to eradicate all my fears. Yet these fears come back again and again, the more I try to shoo them away from the superfluous nest they are trying to build in my mind. It was easy at first to suppress the darkness in mind with some illumination but with days the flickers of light has gone and I sit in the darkest corners.

To allow myself to admit this and write about it comes to me as a surprise after days of self-loathing and feeling dead. People close to me would not understand anything about why I am writing this. Maybe I am so good at restraining emotional outbursts and like to carry all the baggage troubling me by myself. Perhaps when I am myself finding it quite strange the phenomena that is affecting me right now that makes me say all this, I wonder how would my near ones take it.

I didn’t have a break-up neither did I fail my exams. I will offer it as a clarification to all those people reading out this who generally jump into generic conclusions from a melancholic write-up. I am writing this because I am not in terms with myself. I am writing this because I am afraid that every day I end up doing so many wrongs and I let it happen. I am writing this because I fear one day will come when I would have created a Frankenstein out of my silly mind. I am writing this because I am not utilising the opportunities and end up defeated with me. Perhaps I have become my biggest enemy who poses all hindrances like self-doubt, ego, self loathing and anger in the path of ingenuity and happiness.

Shakespeare said ‘Men can be masters of their fate’ in the epic political tragedy ‘Julius Caesar’. But what if the master is disillusioned with self and letting the course of fate go awry? What if the fate gets hold of the future because I am too busy doubting self to take charge? What if the fortunate accidents turn into fateful mishaps because I am happy to let the sand of the desert of self-control slip off from my hands? What if I end up in a dark remote room with my dismal thoughts because I feared that sublime thoughts will cast a bright and strong sunshine which will blind my eyes? 

These questions trouble me now and then and I end up surrendering to the pessimist version of myself. Often curtains of dramas like to play a game or visit a relative closes at terrible notes for me. Why it happens to me? This is a question I ask myself every time the answer to which I already know, yet I fail to implement the solutions because I am too afraid to do so.

Through The Window

Through the window, I saw the magical out pour,

The surge of excitement filled my soul,

The glasses were the boundaries that were to be crossed,

To witness the delight flowing outside the window,

It buzzed and thundered vociferously,

I felt the theatrical drama unfold with a spout of lightening,

My heart waited for the next scene to be told,

And it came sudden and clouds cried,

It enthralled the audience with its effective performance,

And the audience rushed for shelter in its riposte,

The lantern swung free in the air,

The trees hurled their branches like a girl’s hair,

It never seemed to cease in its current act,

So enchanting was this exquisite fall,

The thunder came and went like a spirit,

And the residuum was the drops on the leaves,

It settled elegantly at the corner,

Augmenting the grace of lush green leaves,

How I wondered I could be one of them,

The drops that creates the ripples in the soul,

And flows free like the genie set free from the bottle,

The gist of the drama left is in this residual drop,

Flowing freely and occupying its own place in the world,

Bridging the wide doors and crossing the threshold.

Into the world of dreams !

The hidden places in our minds,

Goes by the name of ‘dreams’,

Mystery and reality it skilfully binds,

Into a magical journey of our thoughts.

Lore’s say, the places we travel unknowingly,

Happily in the train of our subconscious,

Is reflected best when we are in sleep,

To explore the magic of our thoughts.

These fragments of past and future,

Tease us in our deep slumber,

Amalgamation of what we see and hear,

Results in lucid vision of dreams.

These dreams bridges our mind and brain,

Into a world never visited before,

A new game where we neither lose nor gain,

Only see what we don’t want to see for real.

It’s a journey into a world unknown,

Where some wishes and desires come true,

Or it’s only the budding plant from the seed you sown,

In the soil enveloped with mystery and ambiguity.

Waking up with the fragments of the dream in sleep,

And then solving like a jigsaw puzzle,

And you try to find out by digging so deep,

Digging in the obscure land of dreams.

To Mom With Love :)

This poem is for the lady who gave birth to me,brought me up as an elder sister, and understood me like a bestfriend. I fail to express it often but I love you infinitely. You are truly a blessing for my existence on this earth. MOm YOU ARE THE BEST. Love You !!

She can guess what’s wrong from my voice,

And her heart always offers the best advice,

I look for her on every happiness and misery,

She is the first to know when I achieve a new victory,

She embodies the god, and guides me in every path,

I cherish when she is there to cure my wrath,

When I m ill, she gently caresses my hair,

How I ran to her as a child if I had a nightmare,

And she took me by her side and gently whispers in my ears,

Sweet fairytales at night all these years,

When the entire world had lost confidence in me,

She is the first to brighten the day with glee,

Often when I had lost my temper and angry,

She cools me down and changes the perspective through which I see,

I see the world all bright and happy through her eyes,

When she is the first to rub my tears of my vain cries,

She is by my side in all my tough fights,

Always I find her praying for me to achieve supreme heights,

When I m lost, She brings me out of the dark,

I wonder how much I owe to this lady, who made a mark,

All the love and care which she showers upon me selflessly,

Never complained a word as it was out of her affinity,

She knows what I try to hide behind my happy face,

I wonder how she does find out like solving a simple maze,

In all these years, she assumed the role of an eternal friend,

Who understands, loves and holds my hand,

In every sorrow and delight of this unpredictable life,

I regain the trust in me when she is with me to struggle through strife,

My existence has achieved a meaning because of her,

As God blessed me with the kindest and sweetest mother,

You brought me up, and till date without you I feel fragile,

How I wish she is always with me to walk million miles,

Often we don’t see eye to eye on certain things,

Erupting into arguments, but anger flies like a bird with wings,

She had always been there to handle my reckless spree,

And always strives to bring out the best out of me,

How much I owe you is so immeasurable in amount,

If I start measuring it I will run out of identified count,

All I could say is that my love for you will never fade away,

Though sometimes my love fails to be on display,

In all these years, you put up with me in every situation,

I hope that you are my Mom in my every incarnation.

Why Leaves Fall Off The Branch ?

   Walking down the roads these days, there is one thing that never escapes my attention. When I am walking these dried yellow leaves lying on the ground just captures my mind and I admire this natural beauty in separation.I wonder how these leaves once adored the branches of the lush green trees and now they lay on the ground forming garbage. The sweepers clean away these dead leaves and once again the roads look clear as the vast grey stone. I may be called by people as abnormally optimistic finding beauty in such eventual death of life,but I believe that such separation is only a new beginning for a better future.
   Leaves turn pale and yellow losing their vigor and when the branches cant stick to these old leaves, the boughs and the leaves part their ways.I find the same reality of breaking apart and separation with our lives.Clinging to old memories,heartbreaks etc is similar to the clinging of these old leaves with the branches of the tree.Falling off and then again trying to start a new life is the lesson that we all should learn from these dead leaves.They fall off from the tree only to decompose and then giving nourishment to the soil for our future trees that have to be planted in our lives.

   Holding on to the above thought,I had composed a little verse as follows:

     The dry leaves adore the ground in autumn,

Never seen such a beauty in separation,

When partition symbolizes melancholy and gloom,

Leaves’ falling down seems to be a hope in disguise,

Hanging on the tree, accentuating its beauty,

It’s the time for the eventual taking apart from the proud branch.

The gigantic river divides it into various distributaries,

Flowing down a from the magnificent glacier,

Set on a great journey gifting the elixir of life everywhere,

For sailing across lands and nourishing the farms,

The division of this water makes a new union,

Union of stagnant humanity and dynamic life.

The clouds letting go off the water when it pours,

Cool and sober raindrops kiss the ground,

The clouds cry only to bestow the soil with life,

And the sun sets when it heralds the arrival of night,

Two facets of a day as the earth rotates,

Seems to meet beautifully at the horizon when its twilight.

Breaking apart symbolized sorrow and grief,

And meeting together is the harbinger of new hope,

But sometimes parting apart is the way of life,

Which cannot be denied nor escaped easily like a fugitive,

Future delight and bliss cloaked in momentary mourning,

But eventually a cause for smiles in the upcoming moments.

Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing lasts forever,

Night comes after the day,

And winter after the summer,

And this cycle continues.

Some feelings last a moment,

A pleasure for a second,

With all the magical scent,

And then change takes its place.

Often tears flow in misery,

Drops of pain and sadness,

But its the part of the journey,

The roller-coaster that's life.

A face of unspoken agony,

Cloaked in a smile on the face,

Runs away from being lonely,

To hide himself in the crowd.

His untold story is a mystery,

Concealing it is his art,

Mastering it is the history,

To make everyone happy

 around.

Whether its a broken heart,

Or Some break of trust,

Still he plays smart,

To forget the woes of past.

Because he is well aware,

Past will be overtaken by future,

When pain no longer dares,

And gaiety prevails around.

The Enigmatic Moon

Its  the time when the moon reflects the light of the sun-NIGHT. Little did we know as children that the moon doesn't have any light of its own. It reflects the light of the sun that fells upon it.We wondered that Sun is yellow and the moon is white. These colors were an important attribute while painting landscapes that we loved to do in our art classes. But when our Science teacher taught us in our primary classes about this true and astonishing fact, our minds were awestruck at this scientific wonder.

The moon is a perfect example of a shrouded personality shining with the help of someone else's efforts. But what is the bigger reality is  that this is a 'law of nature'. When I stare at the moon, I wonder about the puzzling mysteries of Life. The moon is one of them, yet it gives me great pleasure to imagine the magic cloak that shines and daily comes out in the darkness.

Often we see people not acknowledging the efforts put in by others and trying to sail under false colors. Children abandon their parents when they turn old and become a burden on them. They forget that they burned brightly during the day so that you can enjoy the pleasure of night like the moon. We fail to acknowledge their endeavors that they did their entire life to see us achieving success.
Similar is the case with most people. They appear to  be somebody else and turn out to be exactly the different. While the sun scorches us with the heat, the moon is the soothing reminder of the calmness and cool. But still the moon shines only because of the sun, while the sun burns  bright the moon glimmers with its mystic yet fake light reflecting on the earth.

Change is a process.Not an Event

Switching from the landline to the cell phone was never so easy for our older generation. From a simple 10 digit dialler phone to a compact device with a small screen and myriad (as compared to the landline) was the journey of mode of communication in this era. Change- something that is inevitable and teaches everyone the lesson of adaptation. Some learn it sweetly while some learn it the bitter way. Those who are willing to learn and like to transform signify the optimism of change and those who defy novel ideas and oppose alterations symbolise the pessimism of change.

When it comes to making amendments in our life and routine, the task is not a cakewalk. One needs to come out of the shell he has been living in and face the sunshine. It’s obvious that the powerful rays of the sun would reflect hard on your eyes and you’ll close your eyes for a second. You might think to go back, hide behind the shield and never come out. But if once you overcome this preliminary ordeal of changing yourself you’ll start loving the sun’s rays and the fresh breeze. The ambience will soon start taking your thoughts to an upbeat road of sanguinity and cheerfulness.

Moving into college from school, keypad phones to touch screens, computers to laptops, petrol to CNG, paper books to e-books, are some of the several transformations that we have witnessed  in our life in recent days. One wonders now how we have become so immune to different changes around us that we familiarize ourselves effortlessly.

Taking this ride of revolution, one needs to befriend the most advanced technology and set on the journey of adventure and exploration. He will witness bizarre things that are totally original and unique. Anna became the crusader of anti-corruption protest march in our country when trickery and deceit had become the weapons of our fraudulent government. Anna faced impediments but the zeal to bring a change never subdued within his soul. He was triumphant in bringing together the masses and encourage themselves to bring the change. We supported the endeavour to bring a transformation in our society fervently and became the forerunners of the greater change.

I believe that Change is the only continuous thing that happens around us. As we know nothing is static and the world seems to shed off the old skin and the molting process continues invariably. All we need is to find our feet with no trouble and induce others to do the same. Once the change has become acquainted within our lives, the fear of making amendments no longer lurks in our minds.