The Biggest Fear

The biggest thing that haunts us often is not ghosts or horror stories. Neither it’s darkness in the attics of our houses nor the fear of the Devil. The thing that we are often most afraid of is the fear of unknown. The clock ticks for 86400 times every day, yet we can never expect the next move to be thrown in by destiny. We fear everyday how our acts will impact our future and who will enter our lives to annihilate it or make it better.

Some philosophers have often said that the biggest fear lurks in the deepest corners of our minds. I never believed in this philosophy and often adopted the all-optimist outlook to eradicate all my fears. Yet these fears come back again and again, the more I try to shoo them away from the superfluous nest they are trying to build in my mind. It was easy at first to suppress the darkness in mind with some illumination but with days the flickers of light has gone and I sit in the darkest corners.

To allow myself to admit this and write about it comes to me as a surprise after days of self-loathing and feeling dead. People close to me would not understand anything about why I am writing this. Maybe I am so good at restraining emotional outbursts and like to carry all the baggage troubling me by myself. Perhaps when I am myself finding it quite strange the phenomena that is affecting me right now that makes me say all this, I wonder how would my near ones take it.

I didn’t have a break-up neither did I fail my exams. I will offer it as a clarification to all those people reading out this who generally jump into generic conclusions from a melancholic write-up. I am writing this because I am not in terms with myself. I am writing this because I am afraid that every day I end up doing so many wrongs and I let it happen. I am writing this because I fear one day will come when I would have created a Frankenstein out of my silly mind. I am writing this because I am not utilising the opportunities and end up defeated with me. Perhaps I have become my biggest enemy who poses all hindrances like self-doubt, ego, self loathing and anger in the path of ingenuity and happiness.

Shakespeare said ‘Men can be masters of their fate’ in the epic political tragedy ‘Julius Caesar’. But what if the master is disillusioned with self and letting the course of fate go awry? What if the fate gets hold of the future because I am too busy doubting self to take charge? What if the fortunate accidents turn into fateful mishaps because I am happy to let the sand of the desert of self-control slip off from my hands? What if I end up in a dark remote room with my dismal thoughts because I feared that sublime thoughts will cast a bright and strong sunshine which will blind my eyes? 

These questions trouble me now and then and I end up surrendering to the pessimist version of myself. Often curtains of dramas like to play a game or visit a relative closes at terrible notes for me. Why it happens to me? This is a question I ask myself every time the answer to which I already know, yet I fail to implement the solutions because I am too afraid to do so.

Through The Window

Through the window, I saw the magical out pour,

The surge of excitement filled my soul,

The glasses were the boundaries that were to be crossed,

To witness the delight flowing outside the window,

It buzzed and thundered vociferously,

I felt the theatrical drama unfold with a spout of lightening,

My heart waited for the next scene to be told,

And it came sudden and clouds cried,

It enthralled the audience with its effective performance,

And the audience rushed for shelter in its riposte,

The lantern swung free in the air,

The trees hurled their branches like a girl’s hair,

It never seemed to cease in its current act,

So enchanting was this exquisite fall,

The thunder came and went like a spirit,

And the residuum was the drops on the leaves,

It settled elegantly at the corner,

Augmenting the grace of lush green leaves,

How I wondered I could be one of them,

The drops that creates the ripples in the soul,

And flows free like the genie set free from the bottle,

The gist of the drama left is in this residual drop,

Flowing freely and occupying its own place in the world,

Bridging the wide doors and crossing the threshold.

Into the world of dreams !

The hidden places in our minds,

Goes by the name of ‘dreams’,

Mystery and reality it skilfully binds,

Into a magical journey of our thoughts.

Lore’s say, the places we travel unknowingly,

Happily in the train of our subconscious,

Is reflected best when we are in sleep,

To explore the magic of our thoughts.

These fragments of past and future,

Tease us in our deep slumber,

Amalgamation of what we see and hear,

Results in lucid vision of dreams.

These dreams bridges our mind and brain,

Into a world never visited before,

A new game where we neither lose nor gain,

Only see what we don’t want to see for real.

It’s a journey into a world unknown,

Where some wishes and desires come true,

Or it’s only the budding plant from the seed you sown,

In the soil enveloped with mystery and ambiguity.

Waking up with the fragments of the dream in sleep,

And then solving like a jigsaw puzzle,

And you try to find out by digging so deep,

Digging in the obscure land of dreams.