I had a dream last night!

I had a dream last night,
When you sat across the table,
And we talked about,
Of our heartbreaks and crushes,
That scar I got when I was a kid,
And your mischiefs of childhood,
How I write my best poems after a cup of coffee,
And that hilarious story when you drank too much,
How you love to keep a schedule,
And I love to be spontaneous every now and then,
Of your office stories which never made sense,
And I still laughed,
How you let me ruffle your hair which no one can touch,
And you pulling my hair back when I can’t stop talking,
Those nights of stargazing,
And how I could keep staring endlessly at the moon,
Of our first kiss on the sidewalk,
When you grabbed me by the waist,
Of the night spent on the rooftop,
When we welcomed the sun in the morning,
Of that second date of ours,
When the candle glimmered at your face,
And that night when we met after months,
When I brought you out to dance in the rain,
Only to be pulled back by you,
So I don’t catch a nasty cold,
How you never brought me flowers,
Yet kept our love budding,
Of your habit of forgetting,
And my memories that never fade away,
Of how you keep reading my thoughts,
And I can interpret your silence,
Of everything I can’t remember,
And all the things that I can’t forget.

Arushi Srivastava

And I still don't know it was, but it could be like a million things like!

And I still don't know it was, but it could be like a million things like,

A song, that kept playing on the loop in my head,

A text message, which flirted with both the heart and brain,

A diary, which ran out of pages with letters written to you,

A luncheon, which still continues to satiate my hunger,

A morning, when there were no worries to dampen the day,

A mirror, which kept reflecting the fascinating vistas,

An algorithm, which kept doling out different but interesting results,

A painting, which brightened the canvas with all the colors,

A fling, which refuses to fade into memory,

A book, which I re-read finding something new in every page,

A flash of lightning, which illuminated the darkest hour of the day,

A musing, with the most beautiful muse,

A calendar, which proposed a new adventure everyday,

A phone call, which was more of  serene silence than spoken words,

Or,

Just a dream, from which I didn't wish to wake up from.

Arushi 

Since I Love The Old School Things...

I am a fan of all old school things.

From the scent of rains during the first monsoon shower to the yellowed pages of a Shakespeare play that I read in school.

From the mundane perusal of the morning newspaper to hopelessly staring at the moon when night falls.

From long drives on roads unknown to all but Google Maps to taking out my Activa at home to drive on lanes that I know by heart.

From romanticizing the perpetual sunsets to falling in love with the drifting shapes of clouds.

From making clouds out of breath on a foggy winter morning to cherishing the droplets of water hitting the face from the old cooler in summer.

From capturing the aroma of coffee in a café by myself to humdrum conversations over a dinner with loved ones.

From watching my favourite movie again and again to listening to Coldplay on the loop.

From helping my mother out in the kitchen cooking the delicious Chicken Curry to jamming with my father to the tunes of Kishore and Rafi.

From watching the highlights of Tendulkar or Dhoni score a great knock with my brother to visiting the same corridors of Connaught Place with my best friend.

From not seeing a movie adaptation before I read the book to watching a FRIENDS episode losing the count of times of watching it before.

From watching the waterfalls make a rainbow of seven colours to idyllic landscapes of verdant valleys colourful houses.

From talking about life for endless hours to making castles out of air over an unseen future.

From discussing the same fan theories about GOT to going back to the comics when a new superhero movie comes out.

From the withered flower petals kept in my old diary to the broken watch once given as a gift.

From all the glittering stars in the sky to these Victorian lights I come across walking the street.

I am just a fan of all old school things.

Dear January,

Dear January, 
The calendar is probably a concept that binds mortals like us. And you are its first fragment signifying a gamut of things. While you are a harbinger of hope and new expectations, you are also a transition from something that will now be called the past. 
Curled under a blanket of wool and intoxicated by the aroma of a cup of hot ginger tea, you offer myriad moments to cherish. From the clouds of mist during dawn to scintillating hues of orange in an early dusk, you are a unique amalgamation of glittering snowflakes and tranquil sunshine. 
While you string hope in the form of new year resolutions, you are never too late in luring us in the trap of laziness. You begin with aspirations for 365 days, but soon fade away within 31 days to start a new chapter of spring in February. 
Soaking in everything, you are a delightful snowball of uncertainty coupled with hope. Often you bring the sun in all its glory but also never fail to to send some chills down the spine with your cold waves. Starting off the year to come, you are a perpetual oscillation between two contrasts. 
You give hazy winters a horizon of optimism with your new beginnings. After all, when the frost had settled and dishevelled, then only flowers can bloom. Often, showcasing a prism of colours ahead, you only appear to be a beam of white light that subsumes all.  
Yours, 
A Hopeless Winter Lover. 

Before I bid adieu to 2018...

Sitting at the threshold of this passing year, most things seem strangely different but contrastingly the same. There are no foggy nights and dewy mornings to herald 2019 but the perpetual moody weather that defines Bangalore. As I miss the shivering days of north, I only wonder when ‘Winter is coming’ at this point in life.

Looking back at the previous 12 months, this year has been an adventure rounding up some of the most life-changing events of life. While Google Maps are testimony to my visit to 14 cities this year, Facebook friend list added some comrades that made this journey worthwhile to lend Instagram its share of stories.

I think it’s imperative to document my thoughts before the hustle and bustle of new year takes over and it all gets lost in the noise of monotony.

Letting my words do the work, here are my top 10 takeaways from 2018:

1. Some Beautiful Places Checked Off From Bucket List

From the holy land of Amritsar to the city of Nizams in Hyderabad and from the salty air of Goa to familiar vibes of Delhi, this year brought oodles of income to MakeMyTrip.

Starting off the year on a holy note in Amritsar 

From the dazzling Dussehra of Mysore                     

To glorious ruins of Golcanda Fort in Hyderabad

And then a literal high watching the waves crash in the ocean at Chapora Fort in Goa 

2. Some Amazing People Who Made Bangalore Easier

Still wonder if I hadn’t met these weirdos in Bangalore, how quickly I would have booked a one way ticket back home! But as they say, when you least expect then only things surprise you.

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3. Writing Came Back From Hibernation

Don’t know if its too soon to say, but I guess my love for words has got back some of its flickers wishing to reignite again in the ring of fire!

The mind wanders and muses!

4. Kept Discovering Great Food and Coffee

A gastronome’s guide to life.

5. Music Found Its Company

Music had always been a constant. But this year, I am glad to find some awesome ones to make it a little easier when I randomly blurt out song lyrics that run in my head.

6. Few Fantastic Road Trips

There’s just something about road trips that makes me wish I never had to come back!

Rains and this voice 

Capturing Goa Vibes 

7. Seeing Ayushmann Khurrana Perform

A boyfriend would be nice but I have already got him.

Chan Kitthan Guzari Oye??? 

8. Clicking Pictures To Stop My Brain From Forgetting

For my always zoning out brain, the camera is a handy object to express the articles of reality.

9. A Job That Offers Mixed Blessings

It’s not perfect. It’s miles away from my passion. But just good enough to pay the bills and let me enjoy all of the above.

One of the good perks is seeing such impressive buildings up close!

10. A Wishlist For The Future

It would be futile to chronicle this year without considering some goals for the future. Writing down a few of them here so that people who love me keep me in line:

-A solo trip

-Completing the unread section of my bookshelf

-Shedding a few kilos to live a little extra

-Honing my hobbies to convert them into skills

It’s my first new year away from the comforts of home but oddly satisfying in the company of new loved ones. Like time fleets away, this year was just like a long haul of a migratory bird flying from home to a distant land. Gathering new experiences, making new friends and looking to find my next destination.


Harbouring all the hope for future, I look forward to embrace the new year spreading joy and happiness.

The Discord of If and But

If there was an escape to all this,
Gladly will I choose,
But what will it beckon?

If I could make it all go away,
I would leave the reins,
But what will it bring in my hands?

If there was a world,
Where I hold you till forever,
But how will I make it stay?

If I knew how forlorn it would be,
After my fruitless quest,
But can I change what I asked for?

If I had stayed where I was,
While the world moved it's pace,
But then how would I have known you?

If you had come earlier,
I would have lived more,
But how would I have so easily let you go?

If I still continue to persist,
I may reach somewhere,
But will it be the same?

If I again stumble and rise,
A trajectory may present itself,
But what will I do when all I am is lost?

If I knew these answers,
My misery would end,
But aren't new questions always ready?

Arushi Srivastava

3 Years of Tamasha

Often some things are meant to overcome the anathema of transience and attain a sublime status of immortality. Such things are hard to find in our sojourn on earth and make us wander in the realms of abstract identities. I believe it was one of my fortunes to have come across one certain piece of art that has spoken to me in myriad ways. And, I wouldn’t deny that it still continues to tug my heartstrings and help me drive inspiration in moments of both ecstasy and grief.  

It was three years back when I got to walk past the corridors of this cinematic expression created so beautifully by Imtiaz Ali. The movie Tamasha has since then found its relevance at different stages of my life. Whether it’s the incessant longing to travel the unexplored hinterlands of the world like Corsica or the quest to find yourself in the midst of all the chaos. Sometimes through the poignant words of Tara and often through the bewildered actions of Ved, Tamasha goes down my memory lane not only as a fascinating memoir but also a happy respite in times of distress.

Maybe, I am a hopeless sentimentalist who connects deeply with movies like Tamasha. And without any qualms about it, I continue to be captivated by the movie time and again. Often while being transported to another world during the five minutes when ‘Agar Tum Sath Ho’ plays on my playlist and often when I see Ved and Tara playfully dance their hearts out in the multihued streets of Corsica. And sometimes, moving to tears when Ved finds his true self only after his proposal was declined by Tara and finally convincing his authoritarian father about his true passion.

Underrated it may be, in its innocent portrayal of characters, the movie has sent out a number of messages. Ranging from career to love, travel to theatre and from family to finally finding one’s individual identity, it is a gamut of emotions that one goes through life.  I am still journeying through them as I watch the movie with a fresh lens every time. And maybe, I will reflect and write about it on some other day.

Hustling from random gaiety to conscious heartbreaks, Tamasha is a movie not to be forgotten. I have seen Tamasha an umpteen number of times, learning from it and collecting my share of inspirations through Imtiaz Ali’s enchanting writing. And probably, going to live my life watching it again and again until I have lived through an abyss of feelings. 

An Illusion or Reality?

A glance or an interlude
What the heart craves for
A beginning to something bitter
Or an end to a sweet respite?

The world stands as an illusion
While the footsteps trace an unknown
Is it just a mirage,
Or a virtual truth that leaves you in awe?

Why the heart conjures these intricacies
As the eyes stare at a distance void
A kaleidoscope of myriad colors
Or a conflict between black and white
So why do I look for hues of grey?

You get what you deserve
Or what you honestly wish for?
Do I wait or seek this trail
A trail of oblivion
Or march down the troddy path of discovery?

While hiding and escaping,
The heart absconds
Longing for a soul to revoke,
The transient refuge lasts,
Till the respite appears again,
Letting the loop continues,
Mingling with the struggles of letting go.

The pacifier of the battles!

The tumult in the heart for an impending disaster,

With the clamour in the mind for possible solutions,

The weather of the soul and day shake hands in friendship,

The horrendous rivers cry and shout at the highest pitch,

They hit my soul like a sharp axe hits the trunk of the tree,

Left are the shattered leaves and branches of my wisdom.

 The uproar of winds and water frighten me from within,

The vehement screeching of the mind ends up in vain,

Like the assortment of violent winds troubling the heart,

The direction is lost and the heart wants to go with the wind,

But the brain contradicts and opts for the safer bridge,

Either way the battle is lost for the soul in this moment of outrage.

As I wait for the clashes of winds outside and within me to subside,

The rain takes a momentary pause for the turmoil to stop,

The clouds step aside and the moon shines bright,

The darkest corner of the mind and the street has got its light,

The result of the battle is hidden right in the light of enigmatic moon,

With the artificial light it pours upon it still got a soothing smile.

As I stare at sky studded with stars gleaming but cursed with oblivion,

The mysterious moon shines the brightest and pacifies the soul,

With the ambiguity it revolves around itself,

The deciphering of the direction is the help it offers to the human mind,

Whilst the rain had its share of trouble to the soul,

And the furore sets aside with the achievement of direction from the moon.

The Biggest Fear

The biggest thing that haunts us often is not ghosts or horror stories. Neither it’s darkness in the attics of our houses nor the fear of the Devil. The thing that we are often most afraid of is the fear of unknown. The clock ticks for 86400 times every day, yet we can never expect the next move to be thrown in by destiny. We fear everyday how our acts will impact our future and who will enter our lives to annihilate it or make it better.

Some philosophers have often said that the biggest fear lurks in the deepest corners of our minds. I never believed in this philosophy and often adopted the all-optimist outlook to eradicate all my fears. Yet these fears come back again and again, the more I try to shoo them away from the superfluous nest they are trying to build in my mind. It was easy at first to suppress the darkness in mind with some illumination but with days the flickers of light has gone and I sit in the darkest corners.

To allow myself to admit this and write about it comes to me as a surprise after days of self-loathing and feeling dead. People close to me would not understand anything about why I am writing this. Maybe I am so good at restraining emotional outbursts and like to carry all the baggage troubling me by myself. Perhaps when I am myself finding it quite strange the phenomena that is affecting me right now that makes me say all this, I wonder how would my near ones take it.

I didn’t have a break-up neither did I fail my exams. I will offer it as a clarification to all those people reading out this who generally jump into generic conclusions from a melancholic write-up. I am writing this because I am not in terms with myself. I am writing this because I am afraid that every day I end up doing so many wrongs and I let it happen. I am writing this because I fear one day will come when I would have created a Frankenstein out of my silly mind. I am writing this because I am not utilising the opportunities and end up defeated with me. Perhaps I have become my biggest enemy who poses all hindrances like self-doubt, ego, self loathing and anger in the path of ingenuity and happiness.

Shakespeare said ‘Men can be masters of their fate’ in the epic political tragedy ‘Julius Caesar’. But what if the master is disillusioned with self and letting the course of fate go awry? What if the fate gets hold of the future because I am too busy doubting self to take charge? What if the fortunate accidents turn into fateful mishaps because I am happy to let the sand of the desert of self-control slip off from my hands? What if I end up in a dark remote room with my dismal thoughts because I feared that sublime thoughts will cast a bright and strong sunshine which will blind my eyes? 

These questions trouble me now and then and I end up surrendering to the pessimist version of myself. Often curtains of dramas like to play a game or visit a relative closes at terrible notes for me. Why it happens to me? This is a question I ask myself every time the answer to which I already know, yet I fail to implement the solutions because I am too afraid to do so.

Through The Window

Through the window, I saw the magical out pour,

The surge of excitement filled my soul,

The glasses were the boundaries that were to be crossed,

To witness the delight flowing outside the window,

It buzzed and thundered vociferously,

I felt the theatrical drama unfold with a spout of lightening,

My heart waited for the next scene to be told,

And it came sudden and clouds cried,

It enthralled the audience with its effective performance,

And the audience rushed for shelter in its riposte,

The lantern swung free in the air,

The trees hurled their branches like a girl’s hair,

It never seemed to cease in its current act,

So enchanting was this exquisite fall,

The thunder came and went like a spirit,

And the residuum was the drops on the leaves,

It settled elegantly at the corner,

Augmenting the grace of lush green leaves,

How I wondered I could be one of them,

The drops that creates the ripples in the soul,

And flows free like the genie set free from the bottle,

The gist of the drama left is in this residual drop,

Flowing freely and occupying its own place in the world,

Bridging the wide doors and crossing the threshold.

Into the world of dreams !

The hidden places in our minds,

Goes by the name of ‘dreams’,

Mystery and reality it skilfully binds,

Into a magical journey of our thoughts.

Lore’s say, the places we travel unknowingly,

Happily in the train of our subconscious,

Is reflected best when we are in sleep,

To explore the magic of our thoughts.

These fragments of past and future,

Tease us in our deep slumber,

Amalgamation of what we see and hear,

Results in lucid vision of dreams.

These dreams bridges our mind and brain,

Into a world never visited before,

A new game where we neither lose nor gain,

Only see what we don’t want to see for real.

It’s a journey into a world unknown,

Where some wishes and desires come true,

Or it’s only the budding plant from the seed you sown,

In the soil enveloped with mystery and ambiguity.

Waking up with the fragments of the dream in sleep,

And then solving like a jigsaw puzzle,

And you try to find out by digging so deep,

Digging in the obscure land of dreams.

To Mom With Love :)

This poem is for the lady who gave birth to me,brought me up as an elder sister, and understood me like a bestfriend. I fail to express it often but I love you infinitely. You are truly a blessing for my existence on this earth. MOm YOU ARE THE BEST. Love You !!

She can guess what’s wrong from my voice,

And her heart always offers the best advice,

I look for her on every happiness and misery,

She is the first to know when I achieve a new victory,

She embodies the god, and guides me in every path,

I cherish when she is there to cure my wrath,

When I m ill, she gently caresses my hair,

How I ran to her as a child if I had a nightmare,

And she took me by her side and gently whispers in my ears,

Sweet fairytales at night all these years,

When the entire world had lost confidence in me,

She is the first to brighten the day with glee,

Often when I had lost my temper and angry,

She cools me down and changes the perspective through which I see,

I see the world all bright and happy through her eyes,

When she is the first to rub my tears of my vain cries,

She is by my side in all my tough fights,

Always I find her praying for me to achieve supreme heights,

When I m lost, She brings me out of the dark,

I wonder how much I owe to this lady, who made a mark,

All the love and care which she showers upon me selflessly,

Never complained a word as it was out of her affinity,

She knows what I try to hide behind my happy face,

I wonder how she does find out like solving a simple maze,

In all these years, she assumed the role of an eternal friend,

Who understands, loves and holds my hand,

In every sorrow and delight of this unpredictable life,

I regain the trust in me when she is with me to struggle through strife,

My existence has achieved a meaning because of her,

As God blessed me with the kindest and sweetest mother,

You brought me up, and till date without you I feel fragile,

How I wish she is always with me to walk million miles,

Often we don’t see eye to eye on certain things,

Erupting into arguments, but anger flies like a bird with wings,

She had always been there to handle my reckless spree,

And always strives to bring out the best out of me,

How much I owe you is so immeasurable in amount,

If I start measuring it I will run out of identified count,

All I could say is that my love for you will never fade away,

Though sometimes my love fails to be on display,

In all these years, you put up with me in every situation,

I hope that you are my Mom in my every incarnation.